Wow, it's really wierd to see that ticker telling me I'm 8 weeks today. Already I think it's going by fast. I had mentally put 10 - 12 weeks as a big milestone for this pregnancy - the point at which we will start telling more friends.
But the news is starting to get out to family already. And this makes me really nervous. My mom told my step sister. She begged me for somebody she could tell, and I told her it was ok to tell T because she lived so far away and likely doesn't talk to anybody else we know. And I knew very early about all of her pregnancies.
And each additional person we tell means we're opening it up to lots of other people finding out. Because even though you ask people not to tell, I'm sure it's something that people just can't keep secret. I can't believe that my mom hasn't told anybody else - I'm sure she has, she has probably just sworn them to secrecy. I've told my 2 best friends, 'cause they knew about everything all along. And they both fessed up to the fact that they told their mom's and their sisters. And of course their mom's are thrilled for us. But it's like the number of people that know is growing exponentially.
Yesterday J told his mom. And apparently the mom immediately told J's brother - because I just got a congratulatory email from the brother's wife. Yikes. It's all very nice that they are excited for us. But every additional person that knows just feels like it's piling on the risk if something goes wrong.
I had told J that I would tell my dad & my other sister this weekend. They both live in Europe so I have to plan the time to call them (Dad is in Italy, Sis is in Switzerland). So I'm thinking I'll make some phone calls saturday morning. But now the idea of it is starting to freak me out. I don't feel ready to talk about to to anyone other than the very small group that I have already been talking with about it. But I feel like if J's family knows, then I do owe it to my dad and my sister to tell them so they aren't the very last to know. Gosh just thinking about it makes me nervous though.
But we're not telling any of these people about the twins. J has just told his mom we are expecting. That news we will hold for several more weeks yet.
Well - my mom knows it's twins. And so do the aforementioned two best friends. Which I guess means that their moms know. Oh boy....
In other news... I had lunch today with IF friend. We met on a discussion board and then met in person since we live close by. We have a lot in common. She hasn't been through quite as many IVF cycles as me - but she has been through more than her share of heartbreaking torture - including an ectopic and a miscarriage and a couple of bad IVF cycles. Well her and I were cycling together again in January. Actually our betas were the exact same day. Mine was positive. Hers was negative. It's so hard to know how that is going to affect a friendship. I think the inclination is to say that you will be happy for a fellow IF'er who finally achieves success - but in reality we don't know how we will react, when also faced with our own loss. I myself have felt plenty of jealousy when fellow IF'er got a positive on a cycle that failed for me. So I was fully prepared for her to feel like maybe she couldn't see me. But we had a great lunch. And after lunch she sent me this email:
"It was great to see you. I wanted to tell you that I was a little worried that it would be hard to see you and didn't want anything to hurt our friendship. The great thing is it was really great to see you. Not hard at all. I was relieved to find that even in person, I am only happy for you. I'm not even jealous. So seeing you really made my day.
I also wanted to tell you that pregnancy suits you. I know it sounds cliche, but you were truly glowing. You really looked gorgeous. I don't know if it's the relief or happiness or something hormonal or what, but you really look wonderful. Embrace it!"
I can't tell you how happy this made me. Almost brought tears to my eyes. The last thing in the world I would have wanted was for my happiness to make her feel sad. But I would have understood. I would have more than understood -because I've been there so many times before. But I am so happy that she felt ok.
I hope my success can give her hope. I hope my success can give everybody hope.