again with the waiting

Thanks to everyone for all your wonderful comments of support and congrats. I don't know what I would do if I hadn't found this wonderful virtual IF community - what a wonderful thing the internet is. You all make IF just a little bit easier to bear, and you help make the successes a little more sweet. so thank you.

I don't have much in the way of updates. We have a scan scheduled for Tuesday, Dec 1. I'll be 6 weeks and 6 days. They offered to do one next week, but we'll be out of town. I asked if we could do it before we leave but they said that would be too early. So it's booked for the day after we get home.

We're flying to San Diego on Saturday to spend the week with my family for thanksgiving. We will be telling my mom & stepdad and my sister & brother-in-law at dinnner on Saturday night. Those of you who have been reading here for a while will recall that these embryos were the result of donor eggs from my sister - so I am very exicted to be able to tell her of this pregnancy in person.

This second 2ww is almost as hard as the first. But fortunately I have this vacation to break it up, and am busy this week getting everyone packed and ready for the trip. I've been having a terrible time keeping my brain focused on work - which is not very good because I do consulting work, so I need to put in the hours in order to get paid. I have to figure out a way to get focused.

I have been 'graduated' early by my acupuncturist. I saw her yesterday and she said that they usually like to see people through their first trimester, but my numbers are so high that she really doesn't think it's necessary. So she sent me off with a whole packet of info - eastern medicine guidelines and recommendations about pregnancy, and told me to call if I have any complications, and to come back in the third trimester for birth preparation. If any of you are considering acupuncture and/or chinese medicine for infertility, I highly recommend it. I really believe it made a difference in my last cycle.

I have very little symptoms so far - some mild breast tenderness, maybe some blue veins showing up in my arms and chest, and some very mild queasyness. All things that I probably wouldn't notice if I wasn't looking so closely for them. But I expect this to change within the next couple of weeks. Last time I think it was around 6 weeks that I started feeling pretty crummy.

I've been thinking a lot about the little superstitions that we all have during our IF treatments. With every little move I make I'm afraid I might jinx something. With my first FET transfer I wore the necklace I had worn when I got pg with the twins. But that FET failed, so this last time I made sure to wear a different necklace - a new one that my hubby had given me for my birthday. I bought a few items of maternity clothing, because the weather has turned here and I have no winter clothes that fit (yes, I gained a bit of weight this last cycle). It seemed silly to buy regular winter clothes that won't fit for very long, so I bought a few maternity things. They are little big, but so much more comfortable than squeezing into pants that are too tight. And it's so nice that the now make maternity pants that don't look like maternity pants - with a 'real waste'. But I'm terrified that I'll jinx myself by doing so, and by talking about it.

That's all for now - not sure how much I'll be posting for the next week or so, as I'll be busy with family. But check back on December 1 for the news about the first ultrasound. I think it will be exciting.

third beta

third beta is 4898. Approximately a 39 hour doubling time again. :-)

Second beta

The second beta is 2162!

That is a doubling time of 39 hours. With my twins, my second beta had a doubling time of 45 hours - so this is even stronger.

We're feeling pretty confident that we've got a nice healthy pregnancy here! yeah!

One more on monday.

catching our breath

Wow, we're still blown away by that beta number yesterday. I was not expecting that. I had already heard that betas from FETs were lower than fresh cycles, because the frozen embryos take a little longer to get going. But I guess not in this case. The funny thing about those home pregnancy tests is - I thought those lines were kind of light. I was expecting a somewhat low beta. But in all my years of trying to get pregnant, I've never actually seen a positive HPT. The one successful cycle I've had (with the twins), I didn't POAS. So I guess I didn't really know what a strong line looked like.

Thanks to everyone for all your comments. It's so nice to see how many of you are still reading here.

The answer to several of your questions is yes - we did want twins again. We would never have transferred two embryos if we weren't very ok with the idea of having a second set of twins. I don't think anyone should ever transfer more than one embryo if you're not very comfortable with the idea of having multiples - because you never know what could happen.

My first beta at 15 dpo with the twins was 638. I thought that was extremely high and I was afraid that maybe one had split and we were going to have more than two. But it turned out to be two, which we were thrilled about.

And actually I'm not sure if this one counts as 15dpo or 16dpo, because I can't remember if my clinic freezes the blasts on day 5 or day 6. If these were actually 6-day old embryos, then this beta is probably pretty close to where I was with my twins at 16 dpo, maybe a little lower.

My second beta is tomorrow. With my twins the second beta was 1935. So I'm very curious to see where this one will be tomorrow. I don't think we did a third beta that time.

I have a third beta scheduled for monday. And they already had me schedule a first ultrasound. It would have been two weeks from today, but we're going to be out of town, so it will be tuesday Dec 1. I will be 6 weeks and 6 days then. That's the exact same point as when I had my first u/s the last time. I hope I don't jinx anything by going ahead and scheduling that.

back tomorrow with another number.

oh dear.

beta is 905.

have you ever heard of such a thing?

now for the nail biting...

Blood is drawn. I should have the beta results in a couple hours.

I did another HTP this morning (because once you've done one, then why the hell not!). I think it was relatively the same - it didn't get any darker than the one yesterday, actually it's a bit lighter, but even the control line is lighter so I'm just chalking that up to a difference in the tests. But I do think that it turned positive faster, it actually starting showing up almost instantly.

I'm trying not to chew all my nails off while I wait for the phone call.

I wasn't going to. But....

I don't think this means I'm totally out of the woods yet. I think the positive beta I had last time would have turned an HTP positive as well, and that beta went down. So I won't feel better until I a nice strong first beta, and a very good rising second beta.

But I have reason to hope. yeah!

feeling low

ooh, I hate this feeling.

Two days to go, and I'm not feeling optimistic. I have no symptoms. Every time I have been pregnant (three total - once for about a week, once for about 9 weeks, and once for 9 months), I have had early symptoms - sore boobs, nausea, etc. Every time I haven't had symptoms, I haven't been pregnant. So I'm not feeling super positive about this cycle any more.

I have no reason for why it may not have worked - once again, everything should have been 'perfect'. But the little voice inside is telling me that if it had worked I'd be feeling something right now.

So what I'm feeling is depressed.