Wednesday, March 26, 2008

My memories are photographs

Expanding on a thought from my earlier post.  About my blurred memory.

When I close my eyes and try to remember those early days and weeks with the babies, what I see are photographs.  The photos from my digital camera.  I'll think I'm remembering something - a look, a moment - and then I realize that the image I am seeing is just one of my pictures.  So maybe I don't actually remember the moment, but I remember the photograph of it.  I wonder, if I didn't have those photos, would I have no images in my head at all?  Am I making any sense at all?

I get sad sometimes, realizing that I have so little actual memory of their birth and of the first few hours with them.  Is it because of all the pain meds?  or because of sleep deprivation?  or because the whole time was just so overwhelming that my brain couldn't process enough of it to store?  I don't know. 

4 comments:

Bea said...

I get what you mean. As for doing it all again - well, I guess that's a decision to make over the next year or so. And I do think a good childcare situation does a lot for separation anxiety. In any case - don't worry about not being "normal" because you're not suffering enough, or something.

Bea

Bumble said...

Hi Carol! Your posts made me bawl just a little bit. I know what you mean about the little infant stage. Embie is only 8 weeks and I feel so helpless, like its flying past so fast and I'm too tired to notice. I'm already ready to try again, mad yes? And about the photos, I've experienced that with memories of my mother and I think we do tend to eventually forget the "real" times a bit. Thanks to you, I'm going to really start paying more attention to every little moment with her now and stop whinging about being so tired. Thanks! x

singletracey said...

ohhh so glad to see you posting.. I had been meaning to check in on you. glad the babies and you are doing so well.

Sarah said...

me too. it bugged me when everyone had to tell me how fast the time would fly by when she was born. i knew it would, but now i understand why they say it. you hear about someone else's birth or see the new baby picture and realize how very far away it seems.