Expanding on a thought from my earlier post. About my blurred memory.
When I close my eyes and try to remember those early days and weeks with the babies, what I see are photographs. The photos from my digital camera. I'll think I'm remembering something - a look, a moment - and then I realize that the image I am seeing is just one of my pictures. So maybe I don't actually remember the moment, but I remember the photograph of it. I wonder, if I didn't have those photos, would I have no images in my head at all? Am I making any sense at all?
I get sad sometimes, realizing that I have so little actual memory of their birth and of the first few hours with them. Is it because of all the pain meds? or because of sleep deprivation? or because the whole time was just so overwhelming that my brain couldn't process enough of it to store? I don't know.