Wednesday, April 30, 2008

my body

here's something I've had on my mind for a while.

Being pregnant made me feel proud of my body. It made me love my body. This is a profound change in my life, and worth noting.

I've never had a great body image. Always just a little over weight, always a little self conscious about my looks. I never thought I was particularly attractive, or dare I say, sexy. (My husband - to his wonderful credit - thinks I'm crazy for thinking this). I had freckles, and wore glasses. I was never athletic - always a little awkward. Self conscious about being tall. I slouched.

And then there was the infertility. I don't have to tell you all what this does to your body image. It made me hate my body. It was broken. It didn't work right. It couldn't do the one thing I thought I was always made to do. My body could not make me a mother. god that was depressing.

But when I was pregnant - it all changed. I loved my body, really for the first time in my life. I was proud of how I looked, I was proud of what my body was doing every day - nourishing and growing two babies! I loved looking in the mirror. I was proud to walk about the pool in a bikini, with my big pregnant belly out for all to see. I even said to my husband at the time of the bikini wearing - "hey, I paid a lot of money for this look, I plan to show it off!"

I still feel this way - breastfeeding two babies - the fact that my own body is making the milk that nourishes these babies every day. It is a wonderful miracle that I am profoundly proud of, will never take for granted, and is making memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

And then of course there's the weight loss - which goes a long way toward helping me continue to feel good about my body on the outside as well as the inside. Breastfeeding twins has been the greatest diet ever. I weight 30+ pounds less than when I got pregnant. So I'm pretty happy with the way I look these days (as long as I ignore the mushy and stretched out belly).

It's such a nice change in my life. To feel good about this body of mine. It's about time.


Karen said...

I know the feeling. I still am not in LOVE with my body, as I'm still overweight. But my body is doing something it's supposed to be doing for once... it's feeding THREE babies! I'm proud of it! And I weigh 60-70 pounds less than I weighed before I got pregnant! And I'm so much happier in my body than I used to be. I don't feel like a big giant blob all the time anymore, just some of the time. I love it. I'm not embarrassed just to exist... I feel like a real human being. I never thought my babies would give me that incredible gift. I figured I'd be fighting baby weight on top of all the other ridiculous weight I had!

Stephanie said...

I agree! I was at first worried about getting bigger with my pregnancy, but instead I found myself showing off my belly. I loved being pregnant and thought the big belly was an asset.