Thursday, February 08, 2007

Measuring time

It’s funny how infertility changes how you measure time. We used to measure time by how long until your next birthday, or the next holiday, or that vacation, or even how long until the weekend or the end of the work day. But everything changes when your life becomes about trying not to be infertile. Everything changes...

When you are first trying life is measured in 28 day increments. Or whatever your cycle length is.

Then after a few months you start measuring in 14 day increments – figuring out when you’re ovulating. How long is your luteal phase.

Then is becomes how many months do you have to wait to get in to see the specialist.

Then how long you have to wait for just the right cycle day to get your day 3 labs done.

For some people who do IUIs – it’s more of the 14 & 28 day increments. But we never went through that step.

Then comes the IVF…

Wait one month no meds.

Then a month on BCPs.

Then how many days will you have to stim.

Then 1 day for the phone call with the fertilization report.

Then the 3 day or 5 day wait for transfer.

Then the dreaded 2ww. But with IVF it’s more like 10 or 12 days. And every day you are counting down. “three more days ‘til beta”. “two more days”. “24 hours”.

And the torturous hours waiting for that phone call.

And then it’s negative.

So how many days will it take for you to get your period again? 3? 5? More?

Then another month with no meds.

Then a month on BCPs.

Then 10 – 12 days to stim.

Then the 3 day or 5 day wait for transfer.

And the 2ww again.

And then it’s negative.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

After multiple failed IVF cycles, your life is not only measured in the smaller increments of the cycle, but it’s also measure in the bigger increment of how long between cycles. For me it was always about 3 months. We could get in 4 IVF cycles in a year if we pushed it. But realistically with scheduling it’s more like 3. So you measure the 3 – 4 months between every chance at a positive pregnancy test.

But throw in a miscarriage – and that adds a few more months to the wait. How long before you get a normal period again?

For us this adds up to three years of waiting. I have measured my life for the last three years in these kinds of increments. How long for you?

Another cycle. 1 month. 1 month. 12 days. 5 days. 10 days. 4 hours.

And finally. Finally. The positive beta!

Then 3 more days until the next beta.

And now counting down the 2+ weeks until that first ultrasound. 13 days left. Actually – 12 days. 22 hours. 50 minutes.

But who’s counting…


N said...

4 years and 9 months measured in 1 month increments = 57 increments. 57 increments of hell. 0 pregnancies, 0 babies - so far. That's us.

I hope your next appointment will turn our just positive and show a high a rising 2nd beta.

serenity said...

Waiting, waiting, waiting. That's the way it goes.

I can't wait to hear about your first u/s. :)

Sandy. said...

Just shy of six years.

Then we threw up the white flag.


Stephanie said...

This post hits the nail on the head. So true how measuring time changes when you are IF.

Bea said...

Just keep ticking them off. Hopefully you'll tick them off all the way to the end.