Thursday, May 31, 2007

On being a woman... 21 weeks

This has been on my mind for a few days, so here goes...

I have to confess something... I used to get a little jealous of guys.

Not because I wanted to be one - but just because it seemed like there was this really unfair balance of things...

Men get to pee standing up - they don't have to try to squat while camping, it's much easier for them to go on the side of the road while on a long road trip, or to not have to actually touch the seat of a nasty rest stop bathroom...

They don't have to deal with having a monthly period, with all the nasty cramps and bleeding and leaking, etc...

They never had to deal with birth control - worrying about getting pregnant when they weren't ready yet...

They can take their shirt off while working or playing outdoors on a hot day...

They never have to wear an uncomfortable bra...

They get paid more than women for doing the same work...

And really, even the whole process of infertility treatment is waaaay easier on the guy...

I'm sure I could come up with plenty more examples, but you get the idea. It all used to seem so unfair. I didn't understand why we had to put up with these things, and they did not.

But lately... feeling these babies kick, watching the changes in my breasts as they get ready to nourish the babies... I finally get the balance... I finally understand why it is all fair...

they don't get to do this.

They don't get to be a mother. They don't get to feel a life growing inside them, or to nourish that life with milk from their own body.

(I realize that not all women get to do this either - I am painfully sensitive to that fact, and I hope this post doesn't hurt any feelings. But men never even have a hope of doing it. From the moment they are conceived, it's never something that will be a remote possibility for them.)

I feel so incredibly blessed with these miracles growing inside me. I am more and more aware of this every day as I feel them move. I finally understand what I thought all along was some kind of unfair imbalance in the universe. But now I see.

I am grateful and humbled - to be a women and to be blessed with the ability to do this. All the pain I went through to get here was worth it.

And to those of you who haven't made it here yet - I am wishing with all my heart that every one of you gets to experience this miracle. It is awe inspiring.

7 comments:

serenity said...

I am so thrilled to see this post and you in this place.

Especially after infertility; it's hard to love your body. I am so SO happy to see that you've fallen in love with yours.

And it makes me very, very hopeful.

Foreverhopeful said...

I'm so happy for you and its so great to see a post like this. Like Serenity said, it gives me hope and I can't wait to be where you are one day. I hope I can look back and say.. all my pain was worth it. I'm so excited for you.. :) :)

I have to agree with you that men have it so--- much easier. Dh has had to do nothing compared to what I've had to put my body through.

My Reality said...

Beautifully said, Carol.

Sarah said...

oh that is beautiful. and gives me something to look forward to too. i hope i'm feeling this way a few more weeks downt he road when things start getting more real.

Nickie said...

Amen sister! It truly is amazing and humbling and awe inspiring and worth all the other crud we have to put up with to be able to do it.

It would still be nice to be able to pee standing up though...especially as I had to try and catch my own urine in a stupid plastic cup today with my belly blocking any view I have of said urine stream exiting my body. That's just a cruel joke to make a very pregnant woman get the pee into such a tiny cup. Cruel, I say.

Jaimie said...

Carol, your posts are such a pleasure to read. You are in such a good place right now it just spills out to all of us. I am so happy for you!

Keeping The Faith said...

I love this post. I read it to my husband. Men and women live their life experiences in such different ways. I've also felt like we got the short end of the stick in some ways but this experience (being pregnant/nurishing life) has made so many things fall into place. I would never trade being a mother for anything...there is nothing comparable and we haven't even given birth yet.

-Faith