It is New Years Eve.
I sat in the dark this evening, holding my boy after nursing him to sleep. His sister sleeps peacefully in the crib next to us. Staring at his sweet, perfect little sleeping face, I have tears running down my cheek. Tears of joy.
Thinking about this past year - a life changing year. My life is so different than it was a year ago. My my dreams are fulfilled, my life feels whole, I feel complete. All the pain and sadness is forever gone.
I closed my eyes - trying to imprint this moment in my memory forever. Will I remember how sweet he looks, how soft his skin feels, how wonderful he smells, how his breath feels on my cheek. This is my only fear - that I will forget. That I will forget how wonderful this feels.
My wish for the New Year is not for me. I have all that I wished for. My wish for the New Year is for every one of you who are still suffering the pain of infertility. My wish is that next New Years Eve every one of you will be holding your sweet baby in your arms, gazing at his precious face, inhaling his scent.