Friday, February 22, 2008

I feel like a bad mother today

Today I'm really feeling like I need a break. And that makes me feel like a bad mother.

I think it's a side effect of IF - to feel like you worked and wished so hard for these babies, that there must be something wrong with you if you ever wish to be away from them. I'm tired. I've been staying up to late and getting up too early, so I'm not getting enough sleep this week. And they have been taking short naps, so my days are pretty full. And I think they're going through a growth spurt and taking more milk from me - so I'm feeling pretty drained (literally). But it's hard to find time to eat more when they are so busy.

I also feel like I'm not very good at entertaining them. I'm running out of ideas. I think they're bored. We try different toys, music, jumper, bumbo seat, etc. And they get frustrated after a while. I think they really want to be upright more, and be moving around more, and they can't quite do any of that yet. So they get frustrated and bored.

Another terrible mother thought - I think they'll probably have more fun with the nanny. She knows how to play with and entertain babies. I don't really know how.

just one of those days...


edie & ella said...

Hi there -- the nanny will also have NO other job at the moment than to entertain your little ones. She will not need to make the household run, pay the bills, buy and prepare food for everyone, etc... I also think you are so correct about the IF issue -- making you feel bad for having these types of ideas. I have not had my girls yet ( will so in the next few weeks - 34 weeks today) but I often feel like I must always be positive and take each feeling in stride without complaining because of the long road of IVF. I am so grateful to be pregnant... blah blah blah -- you know it's not healthy or correct to have these feeling BUT what is healthy and correct about the whole infertility process huh!!! I know how it feels and it just plain SUCKS sometimes doesn't it. Take care and I am sure you are doing a fabulous job -- your children sure look happy.

Keeping The Faith said...

I'm having one of those days too...actually one of those weeks. Wanna go out for a drink? :-)

Jaimie said...

It is totally natural to feel that way!!!

The Dunn Family said...

What you are feeling is normal! I cried one day when I was looking forward to the kids bedtime so I could just lay down, and I felt SO terrible for wishing them asleep! I thought it made me a bad mom. But as my husband said, it didn't make me bad, it made me TIRED!

When do you think we will realize it's ok to stop beating ourselves up??

Probably never. Ugh. I guess that's being a parent.

There was a definite time with my twins where our days were a round robin of bouncy seats, bumbos, playmats, exersaucer, rinse, and repeat. I was bored, i thought they were bored. But you'll get through it. One day at a time.

seattlegal said...

I've had so many days like that with my two. It's exhausting. I get what you're saying about feeling bad for feeling this way after going through IF. We may have gone to great lengths to have our children, but that doesn't make motherhood any different. It's still hard!

And I often think I'm boring my babies and that the daycare entertains them a lot more than I do.

Helen said...

I have exactly the same thing, too - mine are getting bored but are too little to do most things, and I'm out of ideas on how to entertain them. I too feel like maybe they'll enjoy going to nursery in a weeks' time more than being with mommy.

The baby blues, anyone?

Bea said...

Hope you're having a better day today!


shell said...

I think it's a normal feeling. I know I feel that way a lot. Like I just need five minutes to pee. I love my son more than life, but I really relish the hour I have to myself after he goes to sleep each night.

Dramalish said...

Everyone has those days... and going through IF doesn't make us less likely to have them, unfortunately.

(and I have the same thought about my sitter- my daughter is infinitely more entertained by her!)

Hi. I'm D. I'm your "clicker" for the Lost and Found blog. A question: can people still request to be put on the invite only list for your blog? If so, let me know and I'll relate the message to Mel and other readers.