One week from today I am back at work.
It feels like a strange count down. I don't know - like when someone has been sentenced to a jail term but doesn't go right away - you have a later date when you have to show up to serve your time. So you try to squeeze in as much time with your family as you can before you go.
I guess it's not all that bad. I have mixed feelings about it honestly. There are times lately when I feel like I'm ready for the break and change in my day. But then when I think that I feel terrible - because what an awful mother I must be to ever want a break from these little miracle babies.
I think they will be fine. Actually, I know they will be fine. We have hired an excellent nanny. Expensive, but worth every penny. She will play with them and nurture them and teach them. And they will only be with her four days a week (most weeks, although we will occasionally have her on friday). And they will be with one of us the other three days. And she will be fun for them. And she will help with a lot of other stuff around the house (time permitting of course, there are days with twins when nothing else gets done), so that when I get home from work I can focus on enjoying them.
And they will be happy to see me when I get home, that will be cool. Right now they get so excited when Jim gets home in the evening. And I think, "hey, what about me?" But they've been with me all day. So I guess when they haven't been with me all day, hopefully they will be just as happy to see me.
But will I be fine? Everybody says the first few weeks leaving them are hard, but it gets easier. I honestly don't know how I will feel that first day. Will I cry? Or will I be ok? Will I be nervous to leave them with a stranger? Actually that I the answer is no - this is one of the reasons we chose to hire a more expensive, experienced nanny. We could have paid less for someone with less experience, but I think hiring someone really good will help my anxiety over leaving them. They'll be with someone who knows a lot more about taking care of babies than I do. Heck, I've just been making it up as I go along.
I'm sure my anxiety will get worse over the next few days. Wish me luck.