Wednesday, May 21, 2008

possibly?

I'm thinking about quitting my job. I don't know if we can afford it, and I don't know if I even want to.

We have had a little issue with our nanny - not something I even want to go into right now - but it re-opened the question of whether we're doing the right thing here. Do we really need for me to be working? Can we really not afford for me to not work? And what would that do to our lives if we didn't work?

It's become emotionally hard for me to leave them. It was easy up until now. But this little incident made me have doubt. I don't know that hiring a different nanny would fix that doubt - it's there now and it's not going away. But I also don't know if I'm really cut out to be a stay at home mom. I guess I know other SAHMs that I could connect with.

And if I did it, I wouldn't want it to be temporary. I wouldn't want to have to try to re-enter the workforce in a few years - that seems like it would be really hard - to try to go back. So if I left, I think it would have to be for good.

I don't know what it would do to my relationship. Would this change me too much, and would it cause issues with my husband. He thinks I need to be working - he likes to see me mentally challenged, he thinks it helps me keep my own sense of self. But he is finally willing to entertain the discussion, because he is seeing what an issue this is.

I don't know. There are lots of conflicting thoughts in my head.

The first step is to do a bunch of math and figure out if we really can afford this, without ending up with a lifestyle that makes us both miserable. If the answer is yes - then I have some decisions to make. I guess I'll be posting more about this in the coming days and weeks.

3 comments:

Shell said...

I had a hard time adjusting to being a SAHM and we never considered any other options. That said - it is wonderful knowing you are the one shaping your children.

If your husband is truly worried about being mentally challenged might I offer up taking a course a night a week? Something interesting, but not something with which you have a lot of experience. Just something to stretch your mind and give you something about which to talk that doesn't include the beautiful babies. 8-)

Whatever you decide know that since you've put so much thought into it that it will be the right choice for your family. Good luck!

Helen said...

We had an issue with our nursery yesterday, and for the first time I wigged about having them go there since they enrolled. I don't for one moment support that they're shaping my children, because I do that in the time I spend with them. But, like you, it's a difficult choice. In our home we can't afford for me not to work, but I worry that if I chose being a SAHM that I would resent him being the bread-winner and me being the one who had to "go to him" for money. I know he wouldn't mind, but it's that independence that I would miss.

I know how you're feeling right now, and am sure that your head is buzzing. You're not alone, and so sorry for the nanny stresses.

cat said...

I think you need to take a look at your own personal situation in terms of emotional needs more than anything else (within monetary reason off course).For myself, I would definetely not be a SAHM as I can not think of asking my hubby for money and not being able to spend as I see fit, not have the stimulation of work and having the intense task of minute to minute care of the kids every minute of the day. I guess I am too selfish. But my choice is simple as we can not afford to.