I guess I have a lot on my mind today...
I still can't shake this nagging fear that I might lose one of the twins. I know the chances are very small at this point. I know they are both doing really well, growing really well. I know it's a very good sign that their sizes and hear rates are so consistent. And I believe they look like they are positioned very well in my uterus. But back in my head I also know that, while rare, it does happen. One of the girls on my IVF discussion board lost both her twins at 20 weeks, and another lost one - at her 12 week appointment they were both great, and at her 14 week appointment one was dead. I think when you've dealt with IF, you've already had to face the reality that 'rare' things do happen to you. It is 'rare' for a healthy mid-30-year old woman with very normal cycles to not be able to get pregnant - but that happened to me. And it is 'rare' to have a positive pregnancy test and strong rising betas and then to have an empty sac - but that happened to me too. It is 'rare' for someone to ovulate prior to their IVF retrieval - but that happened to a good friend of mine. I could go on. But you get the point. We know that these rare bad things do in fact happen to good people. So I know it it's a possibility. And I guess that's why I'm still afraid. I don't have the luxury of being naive.
Wierd pregnancy symptoms:
I have lots of tiny little red veins on my face. Mostly on the sides of my nose. And some little red spots under my eyes. I guess it's the increased blood volume. But not something I had expected. I've started putting a bit of makeup on for work, which is not something I usually do very often.
One of my boobs is significantly larger than the other. I don't think it's enough that other people would notice - unless they were really staring at my chest, and nobody other than J better be doing that. But I definitely notice. I've always thought that the left one was slightly larger than the right one. And this isn't unusual - our bodies are not symmetrical. But now the left one seems to have gotten bigger, and I really notice the difference from my vantage point - looking down.
Oh - and I have definitely entered the tearful stage of pregnancy. I've been better the last two days - but earlier in the week it was like somebody turned the faucet on. I cried about my job. I cried about the impending ultrasound. I cried watching a show about conjoined twins on tv. And I even got a little teary at a tv commercial. Fortunately J is an amazing husband - and when I was crying he dropped everything to just pay attention to me.
I am definitely feeling them move. I'm convinced of it. I feel it more and more often. Usually I think it's just the right one - the movement I feel is slightly to the right side. This makes sense to me after the u/s yesterday - because the right one was definitely more active and pushing with its legs. But ocassionally in the last few days I am also feeling a little something just to the left of center as well. And I can usually tell when they're both moving vs. just one. It's still very faint and I only feel it when I'm very still - but definitely distinct from the gas bubbles. And it's really cool! In fact - I can feel them right now as I sit and type this.
Ok, I've never had heartburn before - so I don't really know what it feels like. But I'm having this occasional wierd feeling in the middle of my upper chest - sort of feels like it's coming from my esophagus. It kind of hurts. You know how if you swallow a big pill and you don't quite get it all the way down - it kind of hurts for a few secs while it's stuck there? It kind of feels like that. Is that heartburn? or acid reflux? It's not that bad, just new. And drinking some water or milk seems to help.