Wow, 17 weeks. how did I get here?
We have our big ultrasound tomorrow, I am very much looking forward to it. This the one where they measure everything in great detail, and check to see that the babies have all their appropriate numbers of heart chambers, arms, legs, kidneys, etc. I hope we get very good news. and some great pics to share. We are not planning to do any amnio or any other testing - unless this u/s shows bad or questionable results. Then we would discuss it. But hopefully there will be nothing to discuss, because this u/s will show two perfect babies.
I have been feeling what I believe are 'flutters' from the babies for quite some time now. Sometimes it feels like there's a lot of activity going on way down low in my belly. It's faint. I only feel it when I'm sitting or laying still. My dr all along has been telling me that it's too early to feel them, and more likely what I am feeling are uterine muscles twitching. or gas. I don't know. Seems to me like the early flutters that you hear other people describe.
But - a few times this week I may have felt something more than a flutter. More like a little tiny thump. But... I have also been a bit more gassy this week. So maybe that was just gas. I'm excited to see them tomorrow - and maybe see if there is a baby sitting where I have felt this flutter & thump.
Twice now, I have had a dream about feeling the babies move. Very vivid dreams.
The first was a couple weeks ago. I dreamt that I was sleeping, and touched my belly and felt something hard and sticking out - like a head. And it moved. And I reached over to grab J's hand so he could feel it too. But J's hand wasn't J's hand and from that point on that dream got really wierd.... but anyway....
Last night was even more of a detailed dream. Again, I was in bed. And I put my hand on my belly and felt things sticking out all over the place. A head in one spot, a limb on one side, another limb on another side. And moving all over the place. And again I would reach over to wake up J so he could feel it, but in my dream I would then wake up and realize I was just dreaming, and then go back to sleep, and the whole thing would happen again - try to wake him up, then I wake up, etc. - it gets confusing from there.
I hope the real movement, when I do feel it, feels as miraculous and amazing as it did in my dreams. It was really wonderful. Both times I woke up just rubbing my belly and wishing those dreams were real. Because what I felt was just so amazing. It made the pregnancy seem so much more real. I still have been in such a state of denial - and have thought all along that it will all seem so much more really when I have a really big belly and I can really feel them move. So this was very cool - I woke up really believing that miracle is really happening to me. And that felt good. I can't help but smile when I even think about it. It reminds me of what a miracle we have here, what a special gift. I can't wait to feel that for real.
I'm having a very hard time with the water intake. I just have never been a big water drinker. I'm really trying. And I definitely notice that I feel much better overall when I am well hydrated. But sometimes I feel like I will drown if I have to look at another glass of water. I'm trying to mix it up to make it more interesting - gatorade, juice, lemonade. But even all that after a while starts to seem like it will drown me. There are days when I think I would prefer to just have an IV so I wouldn't have to do the drinking. But that's stupid - I know that would suck. I will keep at it.
I had expected to be having nutty food cravings by this point in my pregnancy. I love good food (no mystery why I am usually carrying an extra 20 lbs around). I love all kinds of international food, spicy food, etc. And all throughout my non-pregnant years I have been known for getting food cravings. It was not unusual for me to demand: "I must have ethiopan/sushi/chinese/greek/mexican/etc. tonight!". But so far - nothing. Everything sounds pretty good, I can pretty much eat anything. But I have not had any of the expected "I must have XYZ. RIGHT. NOW." I get hungry - and I get the "I must eat right now", but very non-specific about what I must eat.
I think J is a bit suprised too. I think he had fully been expecting to be making late-night chinese food or ice cream runs by this point in time. Ah well, probably as soon as he lets his guard down and thinks he's off the hook - it will happen.
I guess this is one of the biggest things that we have learned throughout the IF and now the pregnancy:
...what you expect will happen, does not.
...and what you expect will not happen, does.
I am slowly learning to set aside my expectations, and just take life as it comes.