Friday, May 23, 2008

it is done

we have no nanny.

I gave it a lot of thought - talked to my husband, talked to my mom, talked to a friend whom I trust very much, talked to the nanny agent some more (who is a mother of twins and has totally BTDT).

Everybody had the same advice: you have to go with your gut.

And my gut said it was time to move on. It didn't matter how apologetic she was - she went off the deep end and acted unprofessionally, and I couldn't feel comfortable with someone who conducted themself that way. We hired a "professional" nanny for a lot of reasons - one of those being that we expected her to act professionally, and she didn't. I might have been more forgiving had I hired an inexperienced college student, but this was supposed to be a professional.

So I called the agent this morning, and told that I was willing to meet and have an open mind, but that my gut was telling me that it was time to move on. She said she thought I might say that, and she felt I was totally justified, and we should just cancel the meeting and not waste our time. So she called and fired the nanny for me. (this agenct is worth every last penny we paid her - if only for the luxury of not having to have that conversation myself - I know, I'm a whimp). And she has already lined up a few potential new candidates for me, even one who is willing and able to temp next week.

Now we must decide - are we looking for another full time nanny, or a part time one? I need to have a conversation with my boss next week, and see if she thinks part time is an option for me in this job. I've scheduled a meeting with her on tuesday. Mean time - I'm going to plan to work half days next week, see about this temp nanny for those half days, and buy us some time to figure this out.

Thanks to all of you who offered your support and advice. It helped.

Now I'm tired. Emotionally drained from all this. I have resumes in my inbox (yes, the agent is fast) to look at, but it needs to wait until tomorrow, I don't have the energy today.


Anonymous said...

They are YOUR babies and you did the right thing by following your gut.

Jaimie said...

Wow. Good luck! As if it wasn't hard the first time, but at least you have learned from the experience. I have been trying to figure something out different with my job but I haven't found the answer yet

Heather said...

I left my job when my first was born. I left because I really wanted to be there with my baby every day, but I guess I was lucky enough - if that makes sense - to justify that I didn't make enough money TO work. Childcare in MN is absurd, and care for one infant was almost as much as my take-home pay. Add in commuting and wardrobe, and I simply couldn't afford to keep my job. Instead, I took a step backwards and waitressed nights and weekends for about four years. I made much more money, although I was frequently embarrassed about being a college grad who was waitressing for her career. I always thought I'd become "more" than that. But we were young and didn't have a lot of money.

I will always cherish those early years with my girls. They're not so big now - only 4 and almost-7 - but I'm so happy that I was the one who has always been there for them. After my second baby was born, I started an online business and started writing again. You might be bored in the beginning without intellectual stimulation, but I gotta say, you will find a way around it. I can't tell you how many educated women I know who have started their own businesses and are having the time of their lives after becoming "stay-at-home moms". In fact, out of all the SAHMs I know, very few of them are "just" moms. Almost every one of us does something else on the side. And usually, that something else involves more than waitressing.

(not dissing the waitresses out there, by the way!)

That said, if you DO choose to stay home, get out there and meet other moms ... and do it soon, before you go crazy from talking to eight-month-olds all the time.

Heather said...

So sorry it didn't work out, but you did the right thing. I also think it makes sense to use a service. It's hard enough finding good help, if there is a service out there to help find a good nanny and help if there is a bad situation, it's worth it. Good luck with the next decisions.

cat said...

Thinking about you - these issues are never easy. We have been extremely lucky with our nanny, but she came to us from my cousin so she"grew" in the family. It also helps that she has looked after twins before.

peep said...

Wow, I'm sorry for this added stress in your life. It sounds like you did the right thing and I wouldn't think twice about the fact that the agent did the actually firing. That's her job and something you shouldn't have to deal with. I hope you can take your time in deciding what to do next.