Friday, March 06, 2009

deep breath

The good news: I didn't do it.

The bad news: I came closer to striking my own child today than I ever thought I would.

Daniel likes to scream. Not because he's upset - it's not a 'screaming and crying' kind of scream. It's just an 'exercising his voice' kind of scream. I think perhaps it's partly because he doesn't talk, that he has very few ways to express himself. And this is one of the few ways that he has chosen. Telling him "no" doesn't do any good. He just does it more. I'm told by others that the best course is to just ignore the behaviour, don't give him a reaction, and he'll eventually stop doing it. I'm pretty good at that most of the time. But occasionally - when he's screaming nonstop in my face while I'm trying to dress him, it's too much to handle. Today I just wanted to smack him. But I didn't. I dressed him, put him in his bed, walked away and closed the door, and went to another room to catch my breath. Of course he quit the screaming and amused himself quietly, when I'm not there for him to scream to.

These are the days when I feel inadequate.

I am home alone with the kids one day a week. Friday is my day off, and the nanny's day off. So it is the one day of the week that I have the kids all to myself, Jim is at work.

It concerns me that the stress of one day gets to me. If I can't handle this for one day a week - who am I kidding?

deep breaths.... counting to ten....


Anonymous said...

But you didn't do it. There are moments of frustration and you were able to see that it was a moment. You could handle a week, give yourself more credit.

Bea said...

You only just had that moment? Dude - you must be some kind of saint.

But yes, you do need some strategies to help you out. Luckily you've hit upon a good one already, and can no doubt think of plenty more as the need arises - it's a very individual thing as to what works, of course. I use that one (usually my trick is to drink a glass of water very slowly before going back), music and dance, getting us both out of the house, phone a friend... and I can't think of others just now.

But my main point is you're doing fine.


serenity said...

I was going to say the exact same thing Bea did. Just one moment?

*hug* You did just fine.

Kari said...

I think that we have all been there. I am home alone with the twins all day everyday and know the frustration that the little ones can bring.
Melissa has tantrums where she throws her head back and just doesn't want to be touched and is inconsolable. Daniel turns into a gator rolling everytime it is time to change his diaper. THe kids fight, Melissa bites, Daniel screams. I am right there with you. It will get better. It will get easier. You did fine. Just keep breathing.

Sending hugs....


Jaimie said...

I wish I could handle my frustration so well. I'm pretty sure it isn't right to be crying as hard if not harder than they are while you are taking care of them!!!!

Where did you get the little table and chairs? I want some and I haven't been impressed with quality to price ratio that I have seen. What is worse, my husband thinks he should make them!!!! (the chairs are beyond his abilities and his plan for the table makes little sense!) We love the bibs by the way. I have even gotten some for baby gifts. Of course our target doesn't have them but thank goodness for online shopping!

cat said...

Hang in there - it all passes. Time out in their own space always seems to do the thing for me. Setting boundaries, although they are still young is important. So you are really doing well. And to be honest, just the weekend really gets to me sometimes. So do not feel alone.

Heather said...

I'm going to try to make sure you get the message everyone else is giving you. You are doing great. You didn't do it. Coping doesn't mean that we don't have these feelings. It just means that we know what to do with those feelings when they come on. Which is exactly what you did. Walking away and giving yourself a grown-up "time-out". And if you were with them a whole week, every day wouldn't be like that. There could be many days of complete bliss and then the occasional bad day thrown in. Give yourself a pat on the back for us all. You did great!

Hopeful Mother said...

I'm with you - I often wonder why I can't "handle" just a weekend with the kids. And mine aren't even walking yet.

Same as you - they know how to push all the buttons right now. It's not you - and you did great by just walking away and taking deep breaths.

You are MOST DEFINITELY not alone.

Sarah said...

i have shut piper in her room before too. i know it's baby safe and i stood right outside the door. i can't even remember what it was now but i was ready to shake her.

i'm home with piper full time and those moments happen. you never know when they'll happen and there bound to happen eventually on your one day. so i wouldn't think of it so much as bombing on your one day, rather that the occasional massively challenging situation randomly collided with your one day.

Kelly said...

My youngest was born 10/06/07, so they are close in age. She likes to do what I call "squawking." Some days I feel constantly harassed.

I'd like your other blog addy. I'm at timkelly at tds dot net