Thursday, June 25, 2009

doing better

Thanks so much to all of you for your comments. It's so nice to know that so many people are following and hoping the best for me - it really does help.

I'm doing better after my pity party of last week. It's been interesting - this negative result hit us both harder than we thought it would. Jim was pretty low too - and feeling very shocked at how low he was. He said "It's so strange, here I am almost 50 years old, and I'm really depressed that my wife's not pregnant". But we're doing better. We got out on our boat for a couple days last weekend, which is great for taking ones mind off things. The kids are great and remind me every day of how blessed I already am. My work prospects are looking up - this is the end of the FY for the company I am consulting for, so all contracts have to be renewed. Nothing guaranteed yet, but it's looking positive that my contract will get renewed for the same high fee I'm already charging them, and I might have a line on a second contract - the two combined would have me bringing in a tidy sum over the next year. Nothing like $$ to make you feel better about yourself.

And of course I'm already in progress for the next try. I'm on the BCPs now - after the blood bath of the century - the lovely post-IVF period from hell. That's always like adding the final insult to the whole thing. I start Lupron again on July 6th and we are aiming for transfer around the first week in august. I'll remain hopeful and positive - our chances should still be very good - but I won't have the unrealistic 'can't fail' approach that I had this last time. I learned that lesson.

I've caught up on a lot of blogs this evening - sorry I didn't leave any comments - I've got limited time and I wanted to make sure I got caught up with everyone. There's a lot of good news in the blog world - congrats to all of you. And there's some not so good news - I've been there, I'm thinking of you.

I'm on my own with the kids until monday now - Jim has taken off to visit his dad for a few days.

Also a reminder - I also post on a public family blog under my real name - that is where I post updates about my kids, all kinds of pictures and stuff. I feel it's better to keep that content off this site, as I know how it feels to read about kids on an IF blog. But if you want the address of the other blog, just email me - whatifthis at hotmail dot com - if I recognize your name as a commenter here, or your blog name, I'll email you the link. I know some people asked me for it a while back and I think I neglected to answer a few emails - sorry about that - please try again and I promise I'll respond this time. I'm also on FB under my real name - I give that one out a little more selectively, but I'l add you if I know you pretty well.

got to go get some sleep now - I have my hands full for the next few days.


cat said...

Hope this one will work!

T-Mommy said...

So glad you are feeling better!

They say that where there is life there is hope, and you still have thriving frosties!

Cheers for this cycle ;)

Bea said...

Just checking back in. Sorry to hear the cycle didn't work.


optimisticallyhopeful said...

I'm glad that you have been able to get out and enjoy yourselves a bit. It's so hard to do after a failed cycle, but so important. I'm thinking nothing but positive thoughts for you for your upcoming cycle.

Heather said...

Good luck on your next cycle. And a big congrats on your contract being renewed!!!

Sarah said...

i'm just catching up and sorry to hear about the last cycle. i guess you're on lupron now, hope it's going easily for you - i hate that stuff. good luck!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is amazing! I'm so happy for you! I was diagnosed with PCOS long time ago. My only chance to become a mother was ed ivf. I had doubts. Many thoughts never left my mind! The greatest fear was that I will not be able to love child, which is not genetically related to me. It's much easier for man to accept this procedure, because a baby will be from him. As it was my only way out, I decided we should try. It was a difficult, but the result changed our lives! I wanted a baby who I will carry and give birth by myself. I wanted to be with him from the moment of his birth, from his first breath. Of course, I wanted baby to look like us. But as soon as the doctor made an embryo transfer, the only thing I was thinking about was pregnancy to be successful and my baby to be born healthy! Now, when I remember how I suffered and couldn't bear the thought that I have to resort to donor eggs, I cannot help laughing. My child is at home right now and every time I look at him, I see that every day he more and more looks like me. I raise healthy and, of course, the most beautiful baby in the world! I underwent de ivf in Ukrainian biotexcom. We asked our doctor to find egg donor, who will have same features as I have. We sent information about the desirable characteristics of the donor to the clinic. We indicated height, weight, hair color, eyes color, nose, face and lips shape. Generally saying, all features we needed. Then the clinic found three donors corresponding to our phenotypes and sent us info about them. And then we chose the one, who suited us the most. Speaking about egg donors and their health. All requirements to donors were specified in the package we've chosen. First requirement is age of donor. All their donors are 18 – 25 years old. Second requirement is perfect physical and mental health. And third requirement is absence of genetic diseases in the donor and her family. So we were absolutely sure in health of our donor. Now I have absolutely no feeling that my son is not mine genetically! No one can ever tell he is from donor egg. We decided not to tell our parents the whole truth. For them we had ivf with my eggs and my husband's sperm. Girls, I wish all of you all the best!